no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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