Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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