Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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