I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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