He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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