i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
