My nipple is on Facebook.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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