Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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