why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
