babies were throwing up all over the place
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
