It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
