There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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