butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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