Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
