butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
