Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
