His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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