In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
