You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
