note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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