I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
