I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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