wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
