I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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