Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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