I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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