I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
