i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
