babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
