i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
