What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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