I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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