I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
