So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
