rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
