I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
