okay pat passed out under dana's car
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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