haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
