i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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