Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
