My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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