Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
