that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
