He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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