Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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