worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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