i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
