you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
