I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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