do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
