Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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