Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize