That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
