Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
