you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
