It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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