this boner is exhausting
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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