I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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