I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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