Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
