This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize