haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
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i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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