So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
