last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
