I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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