I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
