We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
