Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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