we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
