DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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