I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
